Saturday 21 April 2012
Tuesday 3 April 2012
Redefining the boundaries
A few months ago, I suppose you could say I found out why I'm always the 'weird' one of the class. There's no-on else like me in my form. Why? I'm an introvert - on quite an extreme scale to be perfectly honest - and introverts only make up about a quarter of all people. People stereotype introverts like me; they say a lot of myths that aren't actually true.
Introverts like myself are the odd ones out because we don't like to be lemmings and always follow the crowd. We like to be different. We normally are because of our brains being more sensitive to dopamine then extroverts (or extraverts if you prefer that spelling). Sometimes though, our individuality is misunderstood and suddenly, we're the weird ones.
Another misconception is that we hate talking when that's not true. So long as we have something to talk about, we're away. Introverts also need people they're comfortable with to talk freely to. If we've got something worth talking about and someone worth talking to - we're happy.
Our quietness is also misunderstood. While not all introverts are shy, some of us are and this adds to the difficulty we have with talking to people. We'd rather be secure about ourselves and we find it better for us to have some downtime and just think or read.
This comes down to the dopamine again. If we're too exposed to a social event, we get tired and need to be alone to recharge; but it takes longer for introverts to recharge but is often plagued but insomnia or the likes. Insomnia is a real pain sometimes but I can still get what I set out to do done. The insomnia doesn't always help with people's judgement however. We can stay up until midnight working and wake early to continue the work, much to the bemusement of our peers.
The definition of an introvert needs to be told more clearly and people need to accept us into society. Parents - and I know mine do - always say that we need to get out more; get our head out the clouds and interact. Forcing an introvert to act extroverted is not ideal as this could lead to problems. We like careful planning and sudden interaction could throw us off.
In reality, introverts are the minority but a majority of great people, Albert Einstein included, were introverted. We cannot be forced into anything. Adam Young of Owl City posted a blog post that really helped me understand more about how introverts like myself work. Kudos to him.
Introverts like myself are the odd ones out because we don't like to be lemmings and always follow the crowd. We like to be different. We normally are because of our brains being more sensitive to dopamine then extroverts (or extraverts if you prefer that spelling). Sometimes though, our individuality is misunderstood and suddenly, we're the weird ones.
Another misconception is that we hate talking when that's not true. So long as we have something to talk about, we're away. Introverts also need people they're comfortable with to talk freely to. If we've got something worth talking about and someone worth talking to - we're happy.
Our quietness is also misunderstood. While not all introverts are shy, some of us are and this adds to the difficulty we have with talking to people. We'd rather be secure about ourselves and we find it better for us to have some downtime and just think or read.
This comes down to the dopamine again. If we're too exposed to a social event, we get tired and need to be alone to recharge; but it takes longer for introverts to recharge but is often plagued but insomnia or the likes. Insomnia is a real pain sometimes but I can still get what I set out to do done. The insomnia doesn't always help with people's judgement however. We can stay up until midnight working and wake early to continue the work, much to the bemusement of our peers.
The definition of an introvert needs to be told more clearly and people need to accept us into society. Parents - and I know mine do - always say that we need to get out more; get our head out the clouds and interact. Forcing an introvert to act extroverted is not ideal as this could lead to problems. We like careful planning and sudden interaction could throw us off.
In reality, introverts are the minority but a majority of great people, Albert Einstein included, were introverted. We cannot be forced into anything. Adam Young of Owl City posted a blog post that really helped me understand more about how introverts like myself work. Kudos to him.
Saturday 17 March 2012
That awkward moment when I abandon a fanfic because it's now too awkward
Damn my ability to merge imagination and reality.
Tuesday 28 February 2012
Hurt Since People Knew Who I Really Am
Firstly, I haven't been here in a while; business to attend.
But I really need to get this off my chest. I've never really felt like I fit in. People tease and bully me for being myself. They take advantage of the fact I know what they don't. People repel me so much. I have major trust issues. I just feel that so many of my peers don't understand, what I'm going through, what's weighing on my mind. They wouldn't cope.
And my parents don't understand me. They don't understand that I like being alone. That I don't get much sleep because I'm an insomniac. That I really don't care for people's emotions that much because emotions don't help. They don't understand my love for my music and my love of creating.
I never have understood how emotions work or how other people's minds work in relation to mine. There are very few people I feel I can trust around me. But - if I'm honest - it sometimes doesn't include my parents.
We were talking about heroes in class today. So many people said their families. My family... My most understanding family is online. People online have more experience with what I've gone through/am going through.
I can't fit in. How can I? I'm an insomniac and people think I'm weird for sleeping about 4 hours. I'm a high functioning sociopath and people think I'm weird for hating emotions. I'm an introvert and I like being alone and when I am, people misunderstand and think I'm upset. I'm imaginative and people can still say things there too. I'm a nerd - top set in all the subjects that have sets - and people want my answers; and they get offended when I turn them away. I have trust issues and very few people seem to see that I can only work with people I trust. Stick me in a group of people I can't trust because of what they've done to me already, tell me to work in a team with them; whammo. I will burn. Because my ideas mostly get shunned to the side. Because when I'm asked a personal question and I don't want to reply because it hurts too much, I'm burnt. It all hurts too much.
When people know the true me, they will either hate me, give me a chance and defend me or just double-cross me. Too many people I have trusted for them to betray my trust. Very few people I know will defend me because they know me; even if we haven't known each other for years and years. There's some people who know they shouldn't annoy or tease me when I'm angry because I can get violent, they understand if I don't want to talk or tell them anything, they help me and they don't pry. We can have fun and I can look back on others and say 'I gave you a chance and you blew it. You blew it big time. You want to be my friend again but I'm not letting that happen.'
I can hate my parents for not understanding me. I can hate my teachers for not understanding my problems. I can hate my peers who tease me for being who I am.
What am I in the end? A freak to them. Just me to my close friends.
My close friends understand that I have major trust issues, that after certain events I find it hard to take a joke, that I'm easily annoyed and you shouldn't anger me, that I'm allowed to be myself. Because, in the end, I'd rather have a handful of friends who I could trust with my life then a large social circle of people who I'm unsure about.
I'm different. Is that so bad? In the society in which I live, it seems so. I like different things to people and that makes me weird. I actually like lessons and all that shizzle and that makes me odd.
Most people I know are shocked when they hear this from me. The minority of people just know that's how I feel because I trust them enough. They let me break down crying - like now I suppose - and they wouldn't tell anyone why if I asked them not to.
I feel like I can't trust anyone. That comes across to much sometimes. Not even my parents. My parents don't understand that I like being left alone to get lost in a book or drown in music, that I can never sleep or that I bloody hate being emotional.
I like who I am. It's better then some of the people I know. I have no problem with being an insomniac, a sociopath, an introvert and a nerd. I have no problems with my friends being the way they are. I don't care if people think I'm a freak. One day, they'll realise when I stop talking to them, that they've wronged me so much. They won't get me back.
If you think I want attention, I don't. I hate it. I only try my hardest. Then people think I just want glory. I hate that. I hate most people. People aren't important to me.
To my trust worthy friends and to those I can trust online, I'll miss you with all my heart but I'd rather be alone... But please be there where the nightmare ends, waiting for me when I need you.
But I really need to get this off my chest. I've never really felt like I fit in. People tease and bully me for being myself. They take advantage of the fact I know what they don't. People repel me so much. I have major trust issues. I just feel that so many of my peers don't understand, what I'm going through, what's weighing on my mind. They wouldn't cope.
And my parents don't understand me. They don't understand that I like being alone. That I don't get much sleep because I'm an insomniac. That I really don't care for people's emotions that much because emotions don't help. They don't understand my love for my music and my love of creating.
I never have understood how emotions work or how other people's minds work in relation to mine. There are very few people I feel I can trust around me. But - if I'm honest - it sometimes doesn't include my parents.
We were talking about heroes in class today. So many people said their families. My family... My most understanding family is online. People online have more experience with what I've gone through/am going through.
I can't fit in. How can I? I'm an insomniac and people think I'm weird for sleeping about 4 hours. I'm a high functioning sociopath and people think I'm weird for hating emotions. I'm an introvert and I like being alone and when I am, people misunderstand and think I'm upset. I'm imaginative and people can still say things there too. I'm a nerd - top set in all the subjects that have sets - and people want my answers; and they get offended when I turn them away. I have trust issues and very few people seem to see that I can only work with people I trust. Stick me in a group of people I can't trust because of what they've done to me already, tell me to work in a team with them; whammo. I will burn. Because my ideas mostly get shunned to the side. Because when I'm asked a personal question and I don't want to reply because it hurts too much, I'm burnt. It all hurts too much.
When people know the true me, they will either hate me, give me a chance and defend me or just double-cross me. Too many people I have trusted for them to betray my trust. Very few people I know will defend me because they know me; even if we haven't known each other for years and years. There's some people who know they shouldn't annoy or tease me when I'm angry because I can get violent, they understand if I don't want to talk or tell them anything, they help me and they don't pry. We can have fun and I can look back on others and say 'I gave you a chance and you blew it. You blew it big time. You want to be my friend again but I'm not letting that happen.'
I can hate my parents for not understanding me. I can hate my teachers for not understanding my problems. I can hate my peers who tease me for being who I am.
What am I in the end? A freak to them. Just me to my close friends.
My close friends understand that I have major trust issues, that after certain events I find it hard to take a joke, that I'm easily annoyed and you shouldn't anger me, that I'm allowed to be myself. Because, in the end, I'd rather have a handful of friends who I could trust with my life then a large social circle of people who I'm unsure about.
I'm different. Is that so bad? In the society in which I live, it seems so. I like different things to people and that makes me weird. I actually like lessons and all that shizzle and that makes me odd.
Most people I know are shocked when they hear this from me. The minority of people just know that's how I feel because I trust them enough. They let me break down crying - like now I suppose - and they wouldn't tell anyone why if I asked them not to.
I feel like I can't trust anyone. That comes across to much sometimes. Not even my parents. My parents don't understand that I like being left alone to get lost in a book or drown in music, that I can never sleep or that I bloody hate being emotional.
I like who I am. It's better then some of the people I know. I have no problem with being an insomniac, a sociopath, an introvert and a nerd. I have no problems with my friends being the way they are. I don't care if people think I'm a freak. One day, they'll realise when I stop talking to them, that they've wronged me so much. They won't get me back.
If you think I want attention, I don't. I hate it. I only try my hardest. Then people think I just want glory. I hate that. I hate most people. People aren't important to me.
To my trust worthy friends and to those I can trust online, I'll miss you with all my heart but I'd rather be alone... But please be there where the nightmare ends, waiting for me when I need you.
Monday 7 November 2011
Why must angels fall?
I spend a lot of time thinking too hard about past experiences. Too much time. I feel so alone nowadays. More then ever. Most things remind of that one time; mostly my peers, some of whom started this. Being an only child, I find that I cry more alone. There has been numerous times when I have wished that I had a brother or sister. Ok fine, mostly a brother so they could get away with punching one of my peers in the face. That would be good. I'm sorry, I am slightly odd like that. I'm currently in one of my major lows; when nothing will cheer me up.
Now please, forgive me this; sadness seems around every corner.
Now please, forgive me this; sadness seems around every corner.
Sunday 30 October 2011
The slightly odd dreams of me
They say that dreams you have one night are affected by what you saw that day or recently. I reckon this is especially true for me. Last night's dream was odd. I went to bed after watching Merlin and that night I dreamt a Merlin dream thing; through Merlin's eyes. Which was odd, I've always dreamt through my own eyes. I must say though, this is not the first instant of dreams from a show. For several years, I have had consistant Doctor Who dreams, both 10th and 11th Doctor's and their companions. I found myself having dream featuring the 11th more consistantly though. I found this odd but my dreams from real life are even more so.
My dreams featuring reality are even more odd. I won't even describe my dreams about my school and social life. It's that weird. And I doubt anyone but I would understand them; then again even I don't understand. I wish I could record my dreams and watch them again later so I can try to understand them.
Thursday 27 October 2011
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